My Experience with Parental Role-Sharing as a Mother

When a baby is born, both the partners become parents, not just one of them. Parenthood can be a beautiful journey if both the partners share their duties and responsibilities in raising the child. However, owing to our age-old patriarchal notions, it is often the case that the burden of parenting is seen as the sole responsibility of the mother. In fact, it is often readily accepted that it is the mother who actively takes care of the child and caters to their needs while the father takes on a more passive role. In fact, a photo that was being circulated on social media recently showed a COVID-afflicted mother hooked to an oxygen tank cooking in the kitchen - this was accompanied by the caption, “A mother is never off duty”. This is a clear example of just how much we are conditioned to believe that it is only the mother who can and must engage in domestic tasks related to child rearing.

In recent times, however, the notion of 'equally-shared parenting' is increasing in popularity. In this approach to parenting, parenting is seen as the equal responsibility of the mother and the father. When parents engage in equally-shared parenting, there is no more the division of “father’s responsibilities” and “mother’s responsibilities” which are divided based on gender, but a general set of parenting responsibilities which are shared by both the partners, as per the need.

When parents engage in equally-shared parenting, there is no more the division of “father’s responsibilities” and “mother’s responsibilities” which are divided based on gender, but a general set of parenting responsibilities which are shared by both the partners, as per the need.

In ‘equally-shared parenting’, the parents construct gender equality through everyday discussions and decisions to divide parenting responsibilities. For me personally, parental role-sharing is not a fixed planner of duties or assigning each other certain tasks. We ensure that we engage in equally-shared parenting by building an understanding between each other, and working together as a team to fulfil the needs of our child. My partner is exceptionally supportive of this strategy, and both of us strongly believe that parenting is our joint responsibility - from baby care to domestic duties. There is no shame in a father changing diapers, a mother stepping out to work while the father is taking care of the children at home, or a mother waking up at night while the father prepares the breakfast in the morning - these are all simply different jobs that come with being a parent, and as equal partners, we must both step up and ensure that these jobs are done. It doesn't matter who takes on which job, as long as it is done. In our household, my partner is the night owl - he wakes at night to do everything for the baby so that I get a good night's sleep. I am the one who cleans and cooks, he feeds her when he is around and I take care of helping her out with her studies. As a couple, we don't plan this ahead or force the other person to do a particular task; we just go with the flow and do what is the need of the hour to be the best parents possible for our child, as a team.

My partner is exceptionally supportive of this strategy, and both of us strongly believe that parenting is our joint responsibility - from baby care to domestic duties.

Considering the fact that a baby needs an extensive amount of care and attention, it is no doubt that parenting is an arduous task that places many hefty demands on an individual’s time and energy. As a mother myself, I can testify that being available to a tiny human throughout the day can be exhausting. I think that the only healthy way to cope effectively with the demands of parenting, in a way that is not detrimental to the mental health wellbeing of either of the parents, and also contributes to the positive growth and development of the child - the answer is equally-shared parenting.