Pursuing Personhood through Motherhood

We have often heard people loosely talk about self-image. But what exactly do we mean by the term "self-image"? Well, according to Cleveland Clinic, self-image is the personal view or mental picture that we have of ourselves. In simple words, it’s how we picture ourselves in our minds. Self-image can be both positive and negative- it completely depends upon one's perception of self!

Through the period of pregnancy, the expectant mother may or may not have a positive self-image. However, sometimes, through the transition from being an expectant mother, to experiencing childbirth and then finally entering the motherhood phase, a woman might forget her identity or individuality as a person. In fact, her identity completely transfers into that of a “mother’. As the new role of our lives comes into existence we tend to forget about what we were before becoming a mother.

My Identity through Pregnancy and Motherhood

Somewhere during this time, I changed from Anusree as a person to Anusree as a mother. My individuality as a person was somehow overshadowed by the new role in my life.

During my pregnancy, my identity completely changed into some strange and weird personality to which I could not relate. I stopped taking care of how I dressed. My only skincare routine before pregnancy was a moisturizer and a sunscreen which would not even take a minute to follow but during my pregnancy and for a few months after becoming a mother, I forgot to follow that part as well! I would completely adore dressing my child up and taking care of his needs while I somehow unintentionally kept ignoring mine! Somewhere during this time, I changed from Anusree as a person to Anusree as a mother. My individuality as a person was somehow overshadowed by the new role in my life.

I did not have any “me time”. I was always dressed up in night suits and always had burping clothes hanging around my shoulder! I did not enjoy being in front of the camera very much because of how I was dressed. While I had numerous pictures of my son, I had very few, countable pictures of mine with me. I felt I was a very confident woman but somehow when I entered into one of the blessed phases of our lives which is motherhood, I started having self-doubts and mom guilt as if it was a combo pack that came free with motherhood. I started to doubt each and everything I was doing for my son. I used to question myself very often: "Am I doing it right"? "What if I’ll hurt my son by doing something in a way that it’s not meant to be done"? My body started showing its effect soon. I started having frequent headaches due to stress. My judgments were always clouded by self-doubt. I did not for once leave my child even for post-pregnancy checkups. Motherhood is often glorified by people but no one tells you or wants you to know about how difficult it is! Motherhood is messy and challenging.

Rediscovering Myself

Always remember, your child does not need a perfect mother, but a happy mother.

My loved ones started noticing the change in my behaviour and encouraged me to take breaks whenever needed. It was seven months into motherhood when I finally took a break and went out for a coffee with my husband. And while we were out I had mixed feelings and mom guilt about leaving my son back at home. My husband, however, encouraged me to focus on myself for once and enjoy the time we were spending together. I also got dressed up nicely before going out and it reminded me of how I used to be before taking up the role of a mother. Once I was back home, I realised that my baby was happy and playing with his grandparents- all while I had a good time too.

It was then I gave up my night suits and dressed up like before. I went out frequently starting with only an hour in the beginning. I would also freshen up to take more selfies.

I have noticed that I am more confident now and my connection with my son is also more efficient as I let go of my fear and doubts of a failed mother. I have embraced a positive self-image and have also started to relate to my identity and old self. Always be yourself, and do not forget who you are or what your identity is, to embrace a new role. Your identity should always be a compliment to the new role in your life. Always remember, your child does not need a perfect mother, but a happy mother.